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al kafi 338



Assalamualaikum warahmatullah al-Fadhil Dr.

I would like to ask a question. Is it permissible for a man to confess his feelings to a woman, for example, “I am attracted to you”, or is it permissible to propose to a woman directly without going through a representative on her side?



Waalaikumussalam w.b.t,

Both are permissible for the purpose of marriage as in the saying of Allah in the Quran:

وَلَا جُنَاحَ عَلَيْكُمْ فِيمَا عَرَّضْتُم بِهِ مِنْ خِطْبَةِ النِّسَاءِ أَوْ أَكْنَنتُمْ فِي أَنفُسِكُمْ ۚ عَلِمَ اللَّـهُ أَنَّكُمْ سَتَذْكُرُونَهُنَّ وَلَـٰكِن لَّا تُوَاعِدُوهُنَّ سِرًّا إِلَّا أَن تَقُولُوا قَوْلًا مَّعْرُوفًا ۚ وَلَا تَعْزِمُوا عُقْدَةَ النِّكَاحِ حَتَّىٰ يَبْلُغَ الْكِتَابُ أَجَلَهُ ۚ وَاعْلَمُوا أَنَّ اللَّـهَ يَعْلَمُ مَا فِي أَنفُسِكُمْ فَاحْذَرُوهُ ۚ وَاعْلَمُوا أَنَّ اللَّـهَ غَفُورٌ حَلِيمٌ

There is no blame upon you for that to which you [indirectly] allude concerning a proposal to women or for what you conceal within yourselves. Allah knows that you will have them in mind. But do not promise them secretly except for saying a proper saying. And do not determine to undertake a marriage contract until the decreed period reaches its end. And know that Allah knows what is within yourselves, so beware of Him. And know that Allah is Forgiving and Forbearing.

Surah al-Baqarah (235)

Imam Abu Jaafar al-Tabari Rahimahullah said: The saying of Allah means: ‘It is not a problem for you, O all men, to propose the women by using figurative speech, for the women in iddah due to the death of their husbands, during their iddah period without directly stating to marry her and perform the aqad’.

Ibn Abbas RA said: Figurative speech is when a person says to a woman during her iddah period, ‘Indeed, I would not marry anyone other than you’, or ‘I would like to have a solehah wife’, (and in another narration) ‘Indeed, I want to get married’ without stating clearly during the iddah period for the woman.

Refer Jami’ al-Bayan (5/95)

Hence, the mafhum (implied meaning) of the above verse is it is permissible for a man to confess his feelings to a woman directly without a representative. What is prohibited is to say it directly to a woman while she is in her iddah period. However, the known ethics and moral conduct should be observed by a Muslim by not transgressing the boundary of what is already set in the religion.

May Allah ease this good intention. Ameen.