Question:
Salam Dato’ Seri, I’ve been married for eight years and have two children. I have a good and responsible husband. However, six months ago, my husband was fired from his company due to the company’s financial issues. Now, I’m the sole bread winner of our household since my husband is now unemployed. This situation leads to some tension in our marriage. However, my husband helps in doing house chores, and sending the kids to school.
My question is, what is the ruling for a husband becoming a house husband while the wife works and is responsible for the family’s expanses?
Answer:
Alhamdulillah, praise and thanks to Allah for the many countless blessings He has blessed us all with. Blessings and salutations to the Prophet Muhammad PBUH, his wives, his family, companions and all those that follow his teachings to the day of judgement.
Originally, it is the obligation of the husband to provide for his wife and children. However, if the wife provides for her husband and children, then it is a form of ihsan and she is greatly rewarded by Allah SWT for it. The responsibility of the husband in providing for his wife is stated in the Quran:
From Jabir RA, the Prophet PBUH said:
ابْدَأْ بِنَفْسِكَ فَتَصَدَّقْ عَلَيْهَا فَإِنْ فَضَلَ شَيْءٌ فَلأَهْلِكَ فَإِنْ فَضَلَ عَنْ أَهْلِكَ شَيْءٌ فَلِذِي قَرَابَتِكَ فَإِنْ فَضَلَ عَنْ ذِي قَرَابَتِكَ شَىْءٌ فَهَكَذَا وَهَكَذَا
“Start with yourself and give charity to (yourself). If there is anything left over, then give it to your family; if there is anything left over from your family, then give it to your relatives; if there is anything left over from your relatives, then give it to such and such,”
Sahih al-Bukhari (6763) and Sahih Muslim (997)
The authors of al-Fiqh al-Manhaji (4/170-179) said, a husband is obligated to provide for his wife and children that is unable to provide for themselves on several factors, which are if they are still young, ill, disabled or crazy.
This is in accordance to Allah SWT’s statement:
فَإِنْ أَرْضَعْنَ لَكُمْ فَآتُوهُنَّ أُجُورَهُنَّ
“And if they breastfeed for you, then give them their payment,”
Surah al-Talaq (6)
This verse explains that it is obligatory to give payment to a woman who nursed the children of other people by the child’s father. This means the obligation of a father in giving nafaqah to a child is prioritized. Allah SWT states in the Quran:
وَالْوَالِدَاتُ يُرْضِعْنَ أَوْلَادَهُنَّ حَوْلَيْنِ كَامِلَيْنِ ۖ لِمَنْ أَرَادَ أَن يُتِمَّ الرَّضَاعَةَ ۚ وَعَلَى الْمَوْلُودِ لَهُ رِزْقُهُنَّ وَكِسْوَتُهُنَّ بِالْمَعْرُوفِ
“Mothers may breastfeed their children two complete years for whoever wishes to complete the nursing [period]. Upon the father is the mothers' provision and their clothing according to what is acceptable.”
Surah al-Baqarah (233)
This verse states the responsibility of a child is of the father’s, using the letter lam ikhtisas which specifies the responsibility of the father in giving nafaqah to his children. Thus, the obligation of the father in providing for the mother that nursed his children, shows the priority of his obligation in giving nafaqah to his children.
This is in accordance to a hadith from Aisyah R.Anha, where she said:
أَنْ هِنْدًا بِنْتُ عُتْبَةَ قَالَتْ: يَا رَسُولَ اللَّهِ إِنَّ أَبَا سُفْيَانَ رَجُلٌ شَحِيحٌ وَلَيسَ يُعْطِينِي مَا يَكْفِينِي وَوَلَدِي إِلاَّ مَا أَخَذْتُ مِنْهُ وهو لا يَعْلَم، فقال: خُذِي مَا يَكْفِيكِ وَوَلَدَكِ بِالْمَعْرُوف
“Hind bint `Utba said, "O Allah's Messenger (ﷺ)! Abu Sufyan is a miser and he does not give me what is sufficient for me and my children. Can I take of his property without his knowledge?" The Prophet PBUH said, "Take what is sufficient for you and your children, and the amount should be just and reasonable.”
Sahih al-Bukhari (5049) and Sahih Muslim (1714)
However, the provision for the wife is a priority compared to the children. Allah SWT states in the Quran:
الرِّجَالُ قَوَّامُونَ عَلَى النِّسَاءِ بِمَا فَضَّلَ اللَّهُ بَعْضَهُمْ عَلَىٰ بَعْضٍ وَبِمَا أَنفَقُوا مِنْ أَمْوَالِهِمْ
“Men are in charge of women by [right of] what Allah has given one over the other and what they spend [for maintenance] from their wealth.”
Surah al-Nisa’ (34)
From Jabir RA, he said:
فَاتَّقُوا اللَّهَ فِي النِّسَاءِ فَإِنَّكُمْ أَخَذْتُمُوهُنَّ بِأَمَانِ اللَّهِ ...وَلَهُنَّ عَلَيْكُمْ رِزْقُهُنَّ وَكِسْوَتُهُنَّ بِالْمَعْرُوفِ وَقَدْ تَرَكْتُ فِيكُمْ مَا لَنْ تَضِلُّوا بَعْدَهُ إِنِ اعْتَصَمْتُمْ بِهِ كِتَابَ اللَّهِ
“Fear Allah concerning women! Verily you have taken them on the security of Allah…. Their rights upon you are that you should provide them with food and clothing in a fitting manner. I have left among you the Book of Allah, and if you hold fast to it, you would never go astray.
Sahih Muslim (1218)
The authors of al-Fiqh al-Manhaji (4/181-182) commented on the phenomenon of woman working and providing for her family as follows:
The few effects from this action are:
- Women are forced to work for sustenance and provisions. As a result, they are forced to compete with men in all sorts of fields and work. If this happens, women are exposed to all sorts of negativities and misconduct or malfeasances. And this is clearly proven with what is happening today. Consequently, a household that needs someone to manage and care for the well-being and education of the children is unfulfilled. Furthermore, the household is neglected and unmanaged. A home is supposed to be the source of happiness, peace and a place to rest and assemble with family members, however, now it has turned into a source of trouble and chaos.
- If a household is built on one of the two prerequisites stated, surely the rights are in the wife’s hand, shared together or hers alone. The economic and social law states, whoever provides financially, then he is the one with authority. In the discussion’s title, it is stated that there are great wisdoms when the rights are with the husband.
Nafaqah for a wife is stipulated at a certain extent. However, the exact amount and types depends on the husband’s capabilities. The wife’s status of wealth, poverty, lineage and others do not affect the extent of a husband capabilities in giving nafaqah. This refers to the person giving nafaqah, not the recipient. Allah SWT states:
لِيُنفِقْ ذُو سَعَةٍ مِّن سَعَتِهِ ۖ وَمَن قُدِرَ عَلَيْهِ رِزْقُهُ فَلْيُنفِقْ مِمَّا آتَاهُ اللَّهُ ۚ لَا يُكَلِّفُاللَّهُ نَفْسًا إِلَّا مَا آتَاهَا ۚ سَيَجْعَلُ اللَّهُ بَعْدَ عُسْرٍ يُسْرًا
“Let a man of wealth spend from his wealth, and he whose provision is restricted - let him spend from what Allah has given him. Allah does not charge a soul except [according to] what He has given it. Allah will bring about, after hardship, ease.”
Surah al-Talaq (7)
According to the Quranic and prophetic evidences above, we state that it is obligatory for a husband to put in his best efforts in providing for his family with everything that he has without depending on his wife. At the very least, he has to work hard to provide or contribute for a house (a safe place to stay), the necessities such as a place to sleep, sit and cook, food, and drinks, appropriate and aurah covering clothing and cleaning and personal hygiene utensils for his wife and children. His failure to provide these things will degrade his honor, as it is his responsibilities as stated by Syarak to take care of his family. If a man refuses to make an effort in providing for his family for their basic needs, then the wife has a right to ask for fasakh )dissolution of marriage by the court’s order) and this is not considered as a sin. This is in accordance with a hadith from Abu Hurairah RA, he said:
فِي الرَّجُلِ لاَ يَجِدُ مَا يُنْفِقُ عَلَى امْرَأَتِهِ قَالَ يُفَرَّقُ بَيْنَهُمَا
“The Prophet PBUH said to a man who has nothing for nafaqah for his wife: “Separate them,”
Sunan al-Daruqutni (3/297)
Thus, we are inclined toward the ruling that a man being a house husband is discouraged if he does not have the blessing of his wife. But, if his wife gives her blessing, then it is permissible, and it is the same as the permissibility of a husband using the mahar of his wife with her consent. Refer Irsyad al-Fatwa Series 198 : The Ruling for A Husband using the Mahar Given to His Wife.
We would like to take this opportunity to state a few things:
- Your actions in helping your family and providing for them financially is a great deed, and it is obligated for your husband to be thankful for your help.
- You should always be grateful for still having a good husband despite him being tested with unemployment. This is because, there are families where the husband is not among the good people.
- You should be patient in facing this situation and try to always discuss and talk things over as husband and wife with harmony.
- Make it clear to yourself that the aim in life is to search for Allah’s blessing. InsyaAllah, this difficult fog in your life will pass and turn into a light of happiness.
- Your husband should always work hard and try to find another job, so that he can provide for you and his family.
- You will experience a lot of things in life, from happiness to difficulties and in facing all of these, one must have wisdom, be calm and have the intelligence to find solutions, to have a safe and happy life.
- Always pray to Allah SWT with istighfar, qiamullail, sadaqah and helping those in need.
I pray to Allah SWT that you and your family will live a happy and blessed life. May your household become what is hoped as Baiti Jannati. Don’t forget to always recite this prayer (doa):
رَبَّنَا هَبْ لَنَا مِنْ أَزْوَاجِنَا وَذُرِّيَّاتِنَا قُرَّةَ أَعْيُنٍ وَاجْعَلْنَا لِلْمُتَّقِينَ إِمَامًا
"Our Lord, grant us from among our wives and offspring comfort to our eyes and make us an example for the righteous."
Surah al-Furqan (74)